I Know What I Should Do… So Why Can’t I Do It? | Anxiety, Avoidance & Overthinking
I Know What I Should Do… So Why Can’t I Do It?
Have you ever found yourself thinking:
“I know what I should do.”
“I just can’t make myself do it.”
“This sounds silly, but I don’t understand why I’m like this.”
These are things I hear very often from capable, responsible women - people you’d look at and think, “They’ve got everything together.”
And yet that feeling of being stuck — knowing the thing you should be doing but somehow not being able to do it — is incredibly common.
I’ve felt it myself. In fact, I had been meaning to record the video version of this blog for about three weeks before I finally sat down and did it.
The important thing to understand is this:
This isn’t laziness, and it isn’t a motivation problem.
It’s your nervous system doing something very predictable.
The Anxiety–Avoidance Loop
Our brains like certainty and predictability. One of their main jobs is to keep us safe; and this includes helping us feel safe.
So think about a task you’ve been putting off. It might be:
replying to an email
filling in a form
doing a workout that feels a bit hard
having a difficult conversation
When we think about that task, it can trigger discomfort.
We start worrying about getting it wrong, being judged, or not doing it perfectly.
When those thoughts show up — “What if this doesn’t go well?” or “What if I mess this up?” — our nervous system reads that discomfort as a threat.
And then something very predictable happens.
We avoid the task.
We delay it.
We overthink it.
When we put something off, our brain experiences immediate relief.
For example, when I decided not to record the video and instead made another cup of tea and cleaned the kitchen, my brain went:
“Ah… that’s better. I didn’t have to sit in front of the camera.”
Avoidance reduces discomfort in the short term.
And because our brains are very good at learning patterns, they start to associate:
Avoidance = relief
So the issue isn’t that you don’t care or that you lack motivation.
Your brain is trying to protect you from discomfort.
When Your Brain Becomes a “Helicopter Parent”
One way I like to describe this is that it’s a bit like your brain becoming a helicopter parent.
Imagine you have a teenager heading out the door to school or sport, and you’re still insisting on putting sunscreen on them yourself.
Your intention is protective. You don’t want them to get burned.
But at that stage it’s not really helpful anymore — they can manage.
And you can probably imagine the eye roll.
That’s what anxiety does.
Your brain is well-intentioned. It’s trying to protect you from failure, embarrassment, or discomfort.
But sometimes it overprotects, long after the threat is real — or even when there was never a real threat in the first place.
Why This Happens So Often to Capable Women
Interestingly, this pattern often shows up most strongly in capable people.
If you’re someone who:
carries a lot of responsibility
manages work, family, and the mental load
has high standards for yourself
doesn’t want to drop the ball
then your brain can become even more protective.
The more capable you are, the more your brain may try to prevent you from “messing things up.” It wants you to keep up that high level (and also prevent people from finding out you’re not ‘perfect’ - that’s often the fear here too).
So it increases that protective response.
A Small Shift That Can Help
When we feel stuck like this, the instinct is often to push harder.
We tell ourselves we need more discipline or more motivation.
But pushing harder can actually increase the threat signal your brain is responding to.
Instead, a helpful shift is to make the task smaller.
Shrink it until it almost feels too small.
For example:
Open the email you need to reply to.
Write one sentence.
Draft the message but don’t send it yet.
Write a couple of bullet points for the conversation you need to have.
Or in my case: record a quick practice video.
The goal is to lower the threat signal to your brain.
When the task feels smaller and safer, it becomes easier to take the next step — and then the next one after that.
You’re Not Broken
If you’ve ever thought:
“I know what I should do… so why am I not doing it?”
please know that you’re not broken.
You’re not lazy.
Your brain is doing its job — it’s just doing it a little too enthusiastically.
Sometimes it helps to step back, reduce the pressure, and give your nervous system a chance to settle so you can move forward more easily.
If you’re based in Brisbane and would like support working through patterns like this, counselling can really help and you can learn more about my approach here.
I’ll also be sharing more videos on my Anxious ADHDer YouTube channel exploring practical tools and strategies for managing overthinking, anxiety, and feeling stuck.
Thanks for reading (and for watching)